I am abnormally self-aware, I am constantly vigilant. I often flaunt my sentience. In the mornings, I shave my beard using Occam’s Razor. I am an accredited Stunt Linguist, all my dogs have been named John McLane.
I am adept at terrestrial locomotion, I enjoy cranking it to eleven. I have successfully driven Defeat to the brink of starvation- he didn’t pay his cab fee. Last spring, I rebelliously overthrew the local Ant Monarchy. I refuse to return Kristin Cavallari’s calls.
I am a Positive Slope Mountaineer, establishing Base Camps at the Euclidean norms. I frequently incorporate the phrase “Release the Kraken” into everyday situations, I defiantly outmaneuver marketing ploys. I can prove that this statement is false.
I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing, I am a formidable adversary in the sport of Competitive Tentistry, and I owe Dr. Phil a game of basketball. Goats frequently liken me to Marlon Brando. I am the exception to the rule. I file business taxes, but only recreationally.
I am a prolific saboteur, I am on good terms with Barbara Walters. In my spare time I enjoy high-altitude Bank Telling. I am Larry King’s Arch-Nemesis, I command a small legion of Painted Turtles, and my potpourri smells of hardware stores.
For more from and about Steven, check out his blog at- http://thestevenchronicles.wordpress.com/