Monthly Archives: May 2015

Why Girls Should Strip “Future Husband” From Their Vocabulary

futurehusband

Using this term has always seemed bizarre to me. As others have put it, it’s a little like subscribing to bridal magazines in high school, simply because you want to get married someday. You’re kind of counting your eggs before they hatch.

I know it’s probably a comforting thought to think about the fact that you’ll have a “future husband” someday, but maybe you should think about why that is so comforting in the first place. Are you worried about ending up alone? Do you have a desire to be loved? Do you look forward to having a family? You’re using your own insecurities and desires to manifest a romanticized idea of a person and a non-existent relationship with them. All of these expectations which, if you do get into a serious relationship at some point, will get shoved on to a real human being. That’s not really okay, or healthy.

What about his expectations and desires?

What about his expectations and desires?

For one thing, relationships aren’t one sided. How can you fantasize about someone you don’t even know? You can’t. You’re fantasizing about what you want and you hope for. That’s pretty selfish, actually, unless you’re also fantasizing about compromising on what to watch on Netflix when you don’t want to, or getting along with bitchy relatives you don’t like, or the same stupid argument you two always have, and about all those little habits that are going to drive you crazy. You won’t feel fulfilled all the time, and in fact, you’ll feel lonely, too. Is that part of your fairy tale? Because that’s part of having a relationship.

Imaginary expectations for an imaginary relationship

Imaginary expectations for an imaginary relationship

Girls often think about a “future husband” instead of a “true love” because they think it’s the same thing. With the divorce and infidelity rates all around us, you’d think they would know better. Here’s the truth about husbands: they aren’t better dads than boyfriends. They aren’t more committed than boyfriends. They aren’t more faithful than boyfriends. They aren’t more in love with you than boyfriends. In fact, the boyfriend who turns into your husband is the exact same guy. Literally everything about him stays the same.

…But you don’t dream about your future boyfriend. Why not?

That’s the other half of the problem. If you aren’t going to be satisfied with a relationship because there is never going to be a ring on it, you’re not interested in love. You’re interested in a relationship status.

The term

The term “Future Husband” is usually used while a demand is being made

When I was a pre-teen I tried to write a letter to my “future husband” and thought about how romantic he would think it was that I spent so much time “thinking about him” and “dreaming about him”. In retrospect, that’s not very romantic at all. It’s actually kind of weird. A poem or letter for someone you love is personalized and romantic because all those beautiful thoughts and words are inspired by them. If you give them a letter you wrote from before you knew them, it’s none of those things.

Pretending to love someone you haven't met or fallen in love with isn't cute.

Pretending to love someone you haven’t met or fallen in love with isn’t cute.

I think the main reason I dislike the term “future husband” is that it’s slightly delusional. Like I already said, you can’t be sending love to someone you don’t know and don’t love. This concept is a fake relationship with an imaginary friend, very similar to how lonely children need to have imaginary friends. How many girls with boyfriends think about their “future husband”? None, because they all want to end up with their boyfriends. So instead of their “future husband” being an imaginary person, these girls like to think they already know him, and he has a name. Of course, that’s not always any more realistic, but hey, at least it’s not a fake person.

Girls everywhere, you’re worth so much more than wasting your time dreaming about a relationship status. Being with someone isn’t what makes you worth something. A ring on your finger won’t make you happy. Stop the imaginary stuff and hope to develop a real love, without all the expectations.

Society Really Fucks Girls Up. I’m Just Saying.

Facebookcapture

I wrote this on Facebook today and I realized it was kind of important. I especially think it is important from a parenting standpoint because it was my parents who were the harshest critics of my clothing choices. Especially my dad, who perceives the world from a standard male-in-a-patriarchal-society kind of way. I actually think he still doesn’t realize that women don’t see the world as overtly sexual as men do. He thought I knew exactly what dressing like that meant, which is why he probably thought it was perfectly acceptable to be angry with me.

I’m not sure whether my mom felt the response was acceptable or not, but I do know that she didn’t want anyone judging her parenting or our home by my “inappropriate” clothing. This sent me the message that what other people thought was more important than the truth. An equally damaging concept.

Body

body

I have a body. It’s just a body, just like yours. It has many parts, with many functions. They are not sexual, unless I choose for them to be. You being able to see them does not make this choice. It does not indicate my sexual decisions of past, present, or future. You being able to see them means you can see that I have a body. It’s just a body, just like yours.