Monthly Archives: November 2013

An Open Rebuttal To Raylan Alleman’s “6 Reason To NOT Send Your Daughter To College”

Before we get any further, let’s quickly recap the article I’ll be discussing. Here are three of the seven reasons the author has given for why not to send your daughter to college:

1. She will attract the wrong types of men.
I share the common concern addressed to us, again mainly by angry women, that there are so many lazy men in our society. But what mystifies me is why girls continue to marry them and then live to complain about them, along with their parents. So what normally happens with this setup is that those lazy men who are looking for a mother-figure in a wife are very attracted to this responsible, organized, smart woman who has it all together along with a steady paying job with benefits. So if he wants to go to work he can, but if not he can always fall back on her income. Or if he “doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone” he can start his own business, and it doesn’t matter if it fails or succeeds or makes enough income because again she’s there to help. The bottom line, HE is only supplementing HER income, but he’s supposed to be the provider. These are very strong stresses on families that I have observed to consistently repeat themselves over and over. What she did that was looked upon to be the “responsible thing ‘just in case’” ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy because of the type of man she married.

2. She will be in a near occasion of sin.
Just think of the environment that college-age students live in. You have a heavy concentration of young people all living together without the supervision of parents at the most sexually charged state of life they will experience. How can one expect that anyone would be able to avoid these temptations, even on a Catholic college campus much less a secular one? So if it is unnecessary for one to be in a near occasion of sin, is it prudent to willingly put oneself there? This is no small matter we’re dealing with here. Is a degree worth the loss of your daughter’s purity, dignity, and soul? Catholic OB-GYN Dr. Kim Hardey notes that a woman is naturally very observant of a man’s faults as long as she is in a platonic relationship with him. Once she becomes sexually active with him, she releases hormones that mask his faults, and she remains in a dreamy state about him. We can see why God would arrange things in such a way so that when in a proper state of holy matrimony, she would be less sensitive to his faults and thereby less tempted to be critical of him. But before marriage she should be very sensitive to the complete reality of the man she will enter into a lifetime commitment with. It is one thing to advise our daughter of this reality in ordinary situations, but placing her into an environment that will tempt her to lose this barrier is unfair to her.

3. She will not learn to be a wife and mother.
Nothing that is taught in a college curriculum is geared toward domestic homemaking. On the contrary, it is training in a very masculine role of a professional career. So there becomes a severe inner conflict in a woman when she starts trying to be a homemaker and juggle a career alongside it. Often when a career woman discerns the possibility of giving up her career, she faces the reality that she has had no training in homemaking and often has the thought “What would I do at home all day.” Stay-at-home mothers are actually very busy industrious women and do absolutely beautiful marvelous things. Surely the business world severely undervalues those things they do, but the value to a family is beyond monetary compensation. These abilities cannot be learned in any college.

For the rest of the article, click here.

And my rebuttal:

1. She will attract the wrong types of men.
This implies a woman is- innately- a submissive moron who is helpless to the whims of any man that comes along. Attracting a man is NOT the same as settling down with one. It’s simply attracting him- which is effectively meaningless. A beautiful woman attracts exponentially more men than an ugly one does. Surely keeping her out of college is not enough in this case. Should the parents of a beautiful daughter lock her up? Or maybe educate her about choosing a partner- informing her of what you, yourself, suggest a woman should know, when discussing the consideration she needs to make about her financial future. (I think parents who homeschool can handle this topic, if they are as superior as you suggest. In fact, I think good parents- even those who send their kids to public school- do this already.) Also, the reverse of this is that an educated woman will attract an educated man- someone who will stimulate him intellectually, which is what a man of that caliber often desires. If you want to talk about your sure to be upcoming “Why not to send your son to college” list, let’s not forget to mention the female gold-diggers that are much more prevalent.

2. She will be in a near occasion of sin.
Men are as susceptible to sexual temptations as women. More, actually, if you pay attention to any research on the matter. Even most modern Christian teachings discuss how much more visual and physical men are. This is why women as pushed to be modest, isn’t it? Sex can indeed create a very emotional connection, but that is true for both partners. And I’m sorry to scandalize your “pure” Catholic self, but I’ve had sex with men who I was never, ever in a “dreamy” state about. Actually, one guy I didn’t even like. Not before sex, and not after sex. So there is absolutely no way the above statement is true. (Made by an OB-GYN, who is by no means qualified to make such a ridiculously gender-biased statement like that, no less.) Another one for the “Why not to send your son to college” list.

3. She will not learn to be a wife and mother.
Um, DUH. You don’t need a degree to raise children or get married. You should, however, be an intelligent and emotionally stable, well-adjusted adult who is financially stable, though. For both of them. And an education certainly helps that list. What a degree WON’T do is hurt a woman’s ability to be a mother, wife, or homemaker, if she does eventually decide to do that. It harms it in literally ZERO ways. And guess what? BOOM, college doesn’t teach men anything about being a husband or father either. This’ll be number 3 on “Why not to send your son to college”.

4. The cost of a degree is becoming more difficult to recoup.
Same as men. Obviously. “Why not to send your son to college” lister number 4.

5. You don’t have to prove anything to the world.
Since when is having self-esteem a BAD thing? You think women are pressured against their will to be educated? I sincerely doubt that’s anything but a small, small, fraction of the female population. Many young adults drop out of school after their first few years anyway. If their parents force them to stay and be educated, you should talk to those parents about pressuring their kids, making decisions for them throughout their adulthood, and not listening to them. If women force themselves to stick through it, that is called perseverance and dedication- and those, my friend, are also good things. We’ll do the reverse and examine the benevolent sexism you’re so fond of and realize that men, actually, are expected to go to college and be the breadwinners of the family much more often than the women are (although society is progressing, no thanks to you). The pressures are therefore much higher for men, and have been for decades. We’ll add this to the “Why not to send your son to college” list as well.

6. It could be a near occasion of sin for the parents.
This will be on the “Why not to send your son to college” list too, of course.

7. She will regret it.
This is not about education, it’s about work. These regrets are about focusing too much on work and not enough on family. Men do this too- especially if they’re the sole bread winners, like you suggest they be. Except being behind the sole income of the family means that these Dads don’t get a choice, actually. Regret is something they just have to deal with, thanks to Mom’s lack of a job. It also seems to me that working mothers with higher degrees can do less work for the same money as a mother who has no degree- therefore eliminating the problem you’re discussing. It also offers Dads the chance to be around for the kids more when Mom picks up an extra shift or two- allowing parents to be more equally available to their kids. This is a million times better for any child. “Why not to send your son to college” number 7.