So that’s it. Request number two was all it took me to be inspired to start what I hope will be a source of entertainment for myself, and perhaps a friend or two along the way.
Being asked to blog in general felt like such a compliment, and it affirmed for me that my latest stance on speaking out has been at least somewhat beneficial. You see, I used to take the stance that whatever I say, it should be of very little controversy. This meant that I experienced very little conflict with others- something I always enjoyed about it. Unfortunately, lack of any real outward opinions makes it extremely difficult to be authentic with any one person.
Lack of authenticity, unfortunately, means lack of true friendship. And I’ll tell you what- that kind of life is incredibly lonely. No haters, no fighting, no controversy… but no real validation in who I was as a person either. When no one gets to see who you really are, you rob yourself of getting any validation for just being, well, you. Meanwhile, your facade on the outside gets plenty of validation, and you begin to wonder if perhaps you really ARE more like-able when you’re fake.
It was easy to believe that putting on a face for the outside world made me more like-able. After all, what I showed the world was incredibly calculated for just that purpose; in hopes that perhaps I wouldn’t step on any toes, or perhaps people would see me for something better than I felt I was. Maybe you can relate this feeling.
It’s actually all pretty silly, isn’t it? Seeking validation by not being yourself, therefore solidifying the fact that your real self can never even GET validation? That’s a cycle I decided to stop- which led to yes, a lot of conflict, but also led to people telling me that they liked what I had to say. And I’ll tell you something else- complimenting my opinions was much more personal and meaningful for me than getting all the compliments and none of the controversy from my previously lukewarm, middle-of-the-road thoughts.
So here I am, taking it a step further by putting my thoughts out there for all the world to see. You may not like all of it; you may not like ANY of it. But I’m not worried about that anymore. And this is one more place I have now to display the real me, so you’re welcome to come along for the ride. And it will be a ride, because being authentic for the first time in many, many years means that I’m just starting to rediscover who that “real me” actually is.
Can’t wait to find out.